asking for help is an act of courage

complete wellbeing

When You Feel Hopeless, Unable to Change...

When you feel hopeless, unable to change, remember that you have the ability to change your perception and that changes everything.  xox  

 

the Steps ONEonONE 

This is the time of year we made each other cry

I was once asked to write a Christmas poem to be included in an anthology.  I only got as far as the first line – This is the time of year we made each other cry.   I didn’t make the deadline and never finished the poem.  But I love the sense of longing and regret that I was trying to achieve by echoing Cesar Vallejo’s To My Brother Miguel:

I remember we used to play at this hour of the day,…/I remember we made each other cry, brother, in that game.

When I was trying to teach myself how to make poems, I was delighted to find those lines echoed in Hugo Williams’ Message Not Left on an Answerphone:

Darling, we made ourselves late sometimes,/playing those games. We made ourselves cry.

It was my first understanding of how poets hand lines off to one another, how one body of work informs another.  Poets speak to each other quietly and secretly through reworking and retuning lines and themes.  Understanding this opened up the world of poetry a little more for me.

It’s the same thing that we do as families, cultures – we hand off traditions and inform ways of being by quietly and secretly returning to a common language to rework and retune old themes.  And it rarely shows itself more that at this time of year.  The other day I practically had a fit because something insignificant happened and I flipped out and screamed and cried and then, after making my daughter cry, I broke through the stress and calmed down.  I was stunned that I’d allowed myself to be triggered and repeat that old theme of freaking out during the run-up to Christmas.  No matter what we believe or don’t believe, many of us get plugged into old, unhealthy patterns at this time of year.  Understanding this can open up your own inner healer a little more.  Don’t get caught out.  Take a few minutes, turn your back on the world, close your eyes, open your palms, breathe.  Remember what’s really going on.   

Here’s a fifteen minute guided heart meditation to help you expand the memory of your ability to resonate peace and equanimity no matter what the circumstances:  http://www.followfay.yolasite.com/heart-meditation.php

I want to say a big thank-you to everyone for donating to the Steps crowdfunding campaign.  We are still in need of funds to get the books printed and shipped in time for the January online classes.  So, please, dig deep into your Christmas stockings, redistribute some wealth, or pass this on to friends that missed the opportunity to contribute first time round.   Though the indiegogo campaign has come to an end, you can still send donations here http://www.followfay.yolasite.com/donate.php

Lots of love to you all and all the best for the coming year. xox

How Do You Give Up?

November 3, 2013  

Ever had one of those days where you just want to give up? I have – yesterday.  I made the decision that I was finally, after all these years going to really and truly give up.  I am a woman who loves to make decisions.  I always feel five pounds lighter and ten times smarter when I’ve made a decision.  That’s not to say I haven’t lived through some lousy consequences, but always the moment of decision is great medicine.  

The day had started out fine. I was feeling great as I headed into town to do some errands and buy marigolds and sugar skulls for my day of the dead altar.  But my mood began to shift when I found the computer repair shop closed until Monday.  Then I went to pick up some money, which turned out to be much less than I’d expected.  These two small, pretty insignificant events made me decide to once and for all give up.  ‘These are luxury problems Fay,’ I reasoned with myself. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that all was lost.  The weather suddenly turned cold, as if agreeing with me, so when I saw a bus coming I jumped on board and went straight back home.  ‘To hell with making an altar,’ I thought.  ‘I’m giving up anyway, why go to all that bother?’ When I got home I realized there were certain things I needed to take care of before I could completely give up and then it hit me, how do you give up? What’s that like?  Do you just lie in bed, refusing to wash? What about when you get hungry? What about feeding the dogs?

It brought me to the question; exactly what was it that I was giving up on?  My life?  I wanted to give up on my whole life over a shop being closed?   I peered into that thought. Beyond the thought I could recognize a feeling, an almost unbearable sense of disappointment and I realized it had nothing to do with my errands not working out.  It had to do with the Steps indiegogo campaign.  The shortfall and the shop closing just presented an opportunity for me to notice.  For all my positive-thinking and out-of-the-box-create-my-own-life charm, I was still tapped into the old conditioned habit of disappointment and an old belief in what success looks like.  Looking at the numbers on the indiegogo homepage with just a couple of days to go, one wouldn’t say was looking like a great success.  For nearly 30 days I've been willing myself to keep seeing something different, allowing a bigger picture to reveal itself.  But it has been a tall order.  It has not been easy to keep bugging people, asking everyone to share the links or contribute funds.  And the whole time I’ve been willing myself to believe in my ability to attract and persuade exactly the people needed to create the Steps vision with me, a little thread of disappointment was weaving itself into an energetic ball and chain.  So I made another decision, instead of giving up I decided to find out what it was I didn’t understand about the Steps campaign. At four in the morning I woke out of a deep sleep and found the answer.   

 I wrote out all the names of everyone who had contributed to the campaign so far.  I wanted to understand who the contributors were and how they had learned of the Steps.  What I found was that over sixty-five percent were friends, most of whom had known me for decades.  I hadn’t realized the level of support that I have always had from a lovely network of people scattered all across the world who are curious about and supportive of what I’ve been working towards all these years.  Gathering around that bedrock is a new layer of supporters who have come to know me purely through my online presence.  I could see pinpoints of connection radiating out from each person participating in helping this project blossom.  It was as if I’d been shown a representation of the ‘oneness’ that I’m always hearing about, but rarely feel.  And that is what the Steps is all about – allowing your life to reveal itself to you, letting the bigger picture show up. We don’t need to spend all our energy figuring out why we carry the shadow patterns that we do, we only need to notice them and they dissolve because they are no more real than any other emotion, or resonance we choose.  So if you ever feel like giving up, instead just ask the question; what is it about this that I don’t understand?  You will be surprised at how elegantly the answer turns up in your life. 

So with renewed vigor, I’m opening myself to miracles for these last two days of the campaign.  I’m not ruling out the possibility of a high-rolling angel swanning in at the eleventh hour to top up the campaign fund. But miracles are often not so dramatic.  They are occurring all the time in our lives if we just take the time to notice. Thank you all for helping me to see that. xox

I Want to Live in That World

Fachapatoto posted a photograph on facebook of a man done up as Frida Kahlo.  His beauty startled me – a perfect blend of masculine and feminine.  ‘I want to walk down streets with the likes of him walking towards me,’ I thought. ‘I want to live in that world.’  And as soon as I had that thought, I realized I AM living in that world. I am seeing something different and inspiring everywhere I go.  I’m aware of so many people breaking free from the herd.  Incredible changes in identity, ideas coming quickly into manifestation, the old order of things falling away.  Interestingly, where I’m seeing a lot of this is through my adventure in crowdfunding.  For anyone new to the concept, crowdfunding is where a large amount of people contribute small amounts of money in return for ‘perks’ and the opportunity to participate in the manifestation of an idea. 

When crowdfunding was suggested to me as a way to publish the Steps, I dismissed it out of hand.  I didn’t know much about it.  I’d heard Kickstarter referred to as a virtual begging bowl and maybe that image stuck with me.  I didn’t give it too much thought.  Then two women, one from New York and the other in New Zealand, sent me a link to Amanda Palmer’s TED talk – The Art of Asking.  It compelled me to investigate crowdfunding.  And I have to say, it’s been pleasantly surprising. Apart from creating an opportunity for my own project, it’s opened up a whole new world of ideas and people taking action that I didn’t even know existed.  It levels the playing field, so people aren’t hampered by the need to prove ROI or sign away their life to compound interest in order to get a vision from an idea to a physical reality. It’s a place where people support each other to try new things, where one is allowed to fail without having to feel indebted. 

Anything you can think of, someone is trying to get it funded on one of the many online crowdfunding platforms.  I love these sandalwood watches a young woman in Florida has been able to make.  I’ve seen amazing innovations in education and just plain heartfelt campaigns to fund medical bills or a mother’s funeral.  There are mind-boggling innovators, like these young engineers in Missoula, Montana developing an affordable 3D printer.  I even found funk legend Bootsy Collins looking to fund his iGiveAFunk Tour.  It’s a whole new way of doing business.  I recommend cruising around some crowdfunding sites to see what’s possible when we all share our resources.  This could be the new world. xox